Sometimes, I am paralysed by immovability of commitment.
I know that for every thing that I choose to do, every time, it means there’s something else that I can’t be doing.
Most of the time, it doesn’t matter. I’m having enough fun, or I’m just content enough that I don’t think about the infinity of other things that could be going on.
The other times though, are the ones that linger and wear. The times when all I can see, no matter what the options are, are the things that I inherently won’t be able to do.
It’s not even like my options are bad.
It’s just that they seem…very final.
I know that committing to anything just means I’ve closed the door on so many potential adventures, so many beautiful moments. So many experiences that I would have cherished, if I had only gotten the chance.
It’s strange how much stress I’ve put myself through, with this pre-emptive regret of the future.
I think maybe that’s what is meant when people say “live in the moment”, but I just find myself putting off the cross-roads for as long as possible.
As long as I haven’t committed to anything, those parallel universes are still tangible possibilities.
As long as I haven’t said “Yes” to anything, I haven’t said “No” either.