I am really very ignorant of the entire “dating” culture. Mostly because, to me, it continues to lack any kind of structure that seems sensible or worth learning.
However, this does often lead to situations where someone (read: a boy) is like “Hey, do you want to hang out sometime?” to which I think “Yes! That would be *wonderful*! I’m still really pretty new to the city, and you’ve been here longer, and you seem pretty cool, so you probably know some cool things to do/places to go! Yay! We can get to know each other and I’ll have more friends!”
Then there’s the inevitable meet-up which goes really well until he starts going for my face and my reaction is like “OH HEY WAIT. Was this a *date*? Because that was not clarified at any point. I don’t think I signed up for that.”
Then I get schooled in the “language of dating” where apparently “coffee and a walk” somehow translates into “make out!” and I don’t understand because all I want to do is go for a walk and find a nice coffee shop.
I think it’s my new band name: Platonic Coffee. Because apparently that doesn’t exist.
Seriously. What the hell, world? When did “get coffee” start meaning something *other* than “…get coffee…”? and how does one explain that, no, actually, coffee is the actual goal here. (Well, to be precisely truthful, chances are good that I’d be getting tea, because I don’t like coffee that much, but NOT THE POINT.) If I want to go on a date with someone I’d say something like “Hey. Do you want to go on a date sometime?” Because that actually conveys the inquiry that I am wanting a response for.
COFFEE IS NOT DATING.
I do not understand.
I’m also really sad, because if hanging out for coffee is “going on a date”, then what do I do when I actually just want to hang out for coffee?
I don’t want a date. I don’t want sexual advances. I want friends.
I’ve had several variations on the conversation recently, where I am told to assume that “Let’s hang out” means “let’s go on a date”.
I don’t want to go on a date.
I want to hang out.
I don’t want to assume that every invitation that sounds promising is actually false advertising for interaction that I am fully uninterested in. That’s not the life I want to live. I don’t want to turn things down pre-emptively as a form of protection from unwanted attention. That’s so many steps away from where I want to be as a person.
Getting that from so many different sources is just…really depressing.