Dear Australia



I take back any positive things I have said in the past about your pizza-related stylings.

All I want is something dripping with grease that has about two pounds of cheese on it. How hard is that to find in the states? It’s as easy as the nearest pizza joint. Here in Melbourne, THERE IS NO CHEESE ON PIZZA.

When I pick up a slice of pizza, I expect there to be delicious strands of cheese; hot, melty ropes, clinging from the rest of the pie to the piece I’ve chosen to devour. I can pull on them until the finally snap and then suck them down as precursor to the flavour-laden slice that’s burning my fingertips.

Seriously, friends. CHEESE.

It’s so good.

Especially on pizza.

Why have you let me down, Melbourne?

We were doing so well, you and I…

You let me down, Australia. You let me down.



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