Only Ever Onward

I think I’ve been a bit…in mourning, this past week; as one does when future plans are suddenly ripped away.

I had rather been intending to make a go of it here in Australia. I was looking for permanent residency, but more than that I was looking for a place to build.

I have an entire page of notes (that I knew were a bad idea at the time of writing. Planning out a future in any way that includes notes is not allowing any space for my actual rather chaotic lifestyle to come in and muck things up) where I thought about exactly what kind of a space I wanted to have here in Melbourne.

In my notes I called it “The Nest”. That’s what I wanted.

The last place I lived in was called The Castle. This originally stemmed from the term “Ten Pound Castle” (which is a term for stone Tower Houses in Ireland. They were built by lesser royalty at a time when building a giant stone turret to use as a home only cost ten pounds) but it meant something very different by the time I left.

It was my castle. My home, my place of safety. It was the refuge where I could find protection from the things in my life I was trying to separate myself from.

It was also, as much as I could make it, a place for other people to seek refuge. It was a place that was meant to be open to all, and home to those who needed it.

A Castle.

The Nest was going to be something else; an open place, a starting point from which to grow and take off. I was looking for a new home base, where I would have the space I needed to explore, but I could be secure when I needed it. It wasn’t meant to be the immovable stone of a castle, but still a shelter from any storms that would come.

That was pretty much as long-term as that plan was. The thing is, though, what I want hasn’t changed as much as the situation has.

I still want to be able to make a nest here. However, as I have found through all of my paperwork recently, there is no way to do that.

This week has been a bit like grieving, because all of the half-baked plans and what-ifs just got their skeletons removed.

There’s nothing actually wrong with that. (This is what happens when I live in my head too much. I forget extremely relevant facts and end up tripping on stairs that I would have known were there if I had only looked.)

I think it might be a little while longer before I have completely come to terms with this. (Additionally, I am by no means giving up on my possibilities of coming to live in Australia full-time. I am just now having to look into different paths to get there.)

Until then, though, I am starting to once again be excited about the possibilites of life.

Maybe having a steady address won’t actually work out for a few more years, but it just means there are other adventures to be having.

Not going one way simply means getting to go another.

So, here’s to the future; whatever it may bring.




4 thoughts on “Only Ever Onward

  1. In the mean time know you will always be welcome to come and try not falling into lakes over here. You even know where the Lady H. lives already, so I don’t even have to send you directions


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