No Zilla, Just Bride.

I am attending a wedding which is the most together production I have ever seen. (This makes sense as it’s being put on by a bunch of terrifying competent Theatre People, and they understand the importance of attention to detail, communication, and just getting stuff done.

It is one of the most low-stress event that I have ever been witness to in my entire life. (Which is crazy, because…wedding. Most stories I hear about weddings involve things not working, and people crying, and fights happening and everything falling apart… just. Yeah. Not awesome.)

Aside from the insane precision and aplomb, the bride is also super chill. She’s just…not fussed about stuff. We’ve made lists of lists, and have contingency plans and emergency boxes, and everything feels really taken care of.


This being said…there is one list of THINGS THAT ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE.

This list has three items:




(The body-count of this wedding will be ZERO.)

2) The best man is not allowed to fulfill his SLAP-BET with the groom DURING THE WEDDING.

(If this happens, the maid of honour will launch one of the bridesmaids at the best man, and he shall be replaced by them, as is proper in Klingon law.)

3) The catering MUST SHOW UP.

(Because our backup plan for that is going to Costco and buying a barrel of peanut-butter filled pretzels for every table, and while those are delicious, it will make the alcohol hit a lot harder.)





Peanut Butter filled Pretzels: Delicious, but not a meal.


2 thoughts on “No Zilla, Just Bride.

  1. Sooo any chance I could get the number for these painless wedding people? I might need it someday…
    Also pizza Kmonster, pizza, have the nearest shop on speed dial.
    Also where is this wedding and would I know (of) any participants somehow?
    Also how’s life back in the states? Any plans on being in the Northwest around the middle of June?
    Also I have a gift thing for you that I never quite got around to mailing because, well mainly because I’m me I suppose.
    Also, actually I think I’ll stop now and send you an email if I have more things.


    • Everyone involved gave heaps of credit to the “Knots Book of Wedding Lists”. Apparently it’s like a wedding planner in book form that thinks of *EVERYTHING* for you. (Which, from the very little I interacted with it, is ABSOLUTELY true. This book is *magic*, and has *EVERYTHING.*)

      She got married in the middle of “Southern Ideal Stepford”, which was probably one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been in my life, but also about a 50 minute drive from the nearest pizza place.

      She’s an Evansville friend, but she came to visit me one summer? I’m not sure if you met her.


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