I often end up describing my relationships with my friends as “being trapped in a cycle of mutual inspiration”. (Okay, maybe not often, but that’s the general feeling I’m trying to get across.)
Lately I feel like I’ve not been doing very well at living up to my end of things.
Recently there has just been so much stuff that I’ve been afraid of, and I’m really frustrated by this.
Maybe it’s because last time around I wasn’t at a point where I was able to recognize my motivations as being driven by fear, or I wasn’t in a space where I was able to admit to being afraid, but I feel like so many of my actions lately have been driven by fear, and I’m really tired of it.
It’s one thing to say “TODAY I WILL FACE MY FEARS!” and another one to actually do it.
Which is news to nobody.
I guess it’s just strange to me, because I don’t remember there being a time in my life when I’ve felt like this before. There have been times when I’ve been stressed, and there have been times when I’ve been conflicted, but usually there’s a singular source of tension. I don’t recall a time when I’ve had so many different fronts that I’ve felt I need to overcome.
So, in typical fashion, I’ve made a list, and I’m working my way through it. I suspect there will be…many cups of tea between now and crossing everything off, probably a good portion of my Emergency Chocolate Stash, and most likely a few late-night conversations with friends.
But I’ll get there, and I’ll be so much better at life when I’m through.