I’m not very god at short-term planning.
Maybe that’s not right.
I’m good at having long-term goals. I’ve got heaps of them. I can plan for futures that I know, intellectually, will most likely never come to fruition.
I’ve got that down.
I’m good at short-term planning in the way that, if I have a time frame, I can make it happen. If I know that I have this many days to accomplish a given task, I can work that out.
What I’m not good at is planning to be spontaneous.
Some people seem to be good at this. They can just say “I’ll figure it out when I get there.” and then, go there, and…figure it out. Or something. Apparently.
It’s a bit weird, because that is turning out to be the framework of my plans more often than not lately. My plans have a basic outline of “FIGURE SOMETHING OUT LATER”.
The thing is, most of the folk who live by “I’ll figure it out”…don’t feel a need for capslock.
I feel like I’m missing some inherent gene of chill that’s necessary for just…going with it.
I can change my plans. That’s not something I have an issue with. If I find I need to be 10,000 miles away in two days to do the things I want to do, I’ll make that happen.
The difference is that one of these things is actionable. One of them is going somewhere, doing things. The other is…suspension. It’s just…waiting? for something to come along.
I think I’m not very good at waiting. It stresses me out.
I don’t like to look at my life and think “what am I doing?” with the only answer to be “waiting.”
It’s a lot easier for me to look at my life and think “what am I doing”, and it may look like the same thing on the outside, but in my head I feel like I’m building towards something. I’m moving forward somehow.
This is my life. I can’t trust it to…hoping something will come along. It’s my responsibility to make sure that I’m still going somewhere. Some people can make it work, just being pulled wherever, doing whatever.
I can’t do that. I’ve got a lot of world left to see, and I can’t trust the path of the currents to get me there. I need a boat.