Definitions of a Blogger, pt 2

This blog has now been going for…a decently long time.

 

When I first started it, I kept it dark for the first three months. I didn’t tell anyone.

I wanted to see if I could do it. I’ve seen enough announcements “I have a blog! Check it out!” and then, it goes for a few weeks before just…being abandoned.

I needed to prove to myself that I could do something every day, and actually maintain it.

More than that though, I…needed…a blog.

 

This blog originally started as part of my trying to deal with depression.

I had a really bad period of my life, where it took…just about everything I had to get out of bed long enough to eat.

As part of my life, to try and not reach that point again, I realized that I needed to reframe what I was doing to be directly applicable to *me*.

One label that I have claimed for myself, from the time I was probably…around 11 years old, was “Storyteller”.

So, I decided that every day, I had to have *one* story worth telling.

I needed to live my life in a way that I had things I wanted to share with people.

That’s where this blog came from.

It’s a collection of the stories that I’ve made a point to find.

It’s a daily check-in, that this is what I have. This is my one life, and no one else can care for it.

I sometimes have had trouble, sort of…justifying my own existence.

Because of my dependence on labels, probably, and then also because of the relationships that I saw the most of when I was growing up; I have a tendency to define myself based on my relationships with other people. Like “I’m her friend.” “I’m his sister”. “I’m with them.” And, yes, while those things are true, I have been working to not do that anymore. I don’t want to think of myself only in terms of how I relate to other people. I want to reach the point where I have the self-confidence to exist as a singular being (who, would still take part in communities and relationships, because these things are important to me and improve my life).

I just don’t want my words to assign dependence to anyone else.

I am enough.

I don’t want to rely on other people for my definition of myself.

It’s not fair for me to give the weight of who I am to someone else to carry. That’s my job.

It’s no one else’s place to look after my own well-being. I am the only one in the world to even *know* my own priorities, so I am the only one in the world who could possibly put those priorities first.

That’s…kind of another facet of this blog. It’s a definition, almost. If anyone wants to get to know me, all they have to do is read it.

This is who I am, this is how I feel, this is what I think is interesting. This is what I like, this is how I see the world.

This blog started as a reminder, a self-check, it’s become a definition, a label; but at the same time, I’m not attaching myself to anything else.

This exists because I want it to, and it’s become important to me.

In return, I have something that people understand more than “bard”, more than “Storyteller.”

I am a blogger.

 

 

…or something like that. :p

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