A Change in Reaction

I’ve noticed recently that lately, my reaction to a lot more situations…is fear.

I’m not really sure…where that came from?

Not like I look back at my life and say “I wasn’t afraid of anything!”

but more…I think that my response to situations tracked toward anger.

If something happened, I would get angry and defiant.

and….I think I liked that better than fear.

 

Anger means fighting, it means action. Fear is…hiding. Fear is keep your head down, let it happen. Fear is don’t move, someone might see you.

On the other hand though… I have worked really hard to try and not get angry anymore. Anger is stressful, and hasty and blinding. I wanted very much to not have my instinctive reaction be pushing people away, not thinking of long-term consequences or collateral damage.

I think perhaps, also, that anger often is simply covering fear. Anger is the I’m-not-afraid flash-bang of distraction. Anger is the “Watch me fight, so you don’t ask why”.

So, maybe…getting past the anger is just getting a step closer to working things out.

I think… my ideal is to be able to acknowledge the fear, know the cause of it, and then work past it.

So, maybe this is getting closer to that.

 

No one ever said that change is comfortable.

(That’s probably a good thing though.)

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4 thoughts on “A Change in Reaction

  1. You can fight out of fear and be motivated to anger by fear, they are closely related, I know this all to well. Good luck on your journey and I hope you find something besides anger and fear. You are onto something here . . .

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  2. I must not fear.
    Fear is the mind-killer.
    Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
    I will face my fear.
    I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
    And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
    Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
    Only I will remain.

    – Frank Herbert, “Dune”

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  3. The “Litany Against Fear” having been said, what you are feeling is the “fight or flight” response. Where you use to fight, you are now subconsciously more into flight. This is not necessarily a bad thing. The trick is to not let the fight or flight keep you from experiencing new things, but use the flight to keep you out of bad situations. It’s that whole “balance” thing that life is all about 🙂

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    • (I haven’t actually read Dune yet. It’s on my list.)

      Ahh, yes. That “balance” thing. One of those things that I love about life, because it’s always changing. It’s learning from the past and applying it to the future, and trying something new when something else didn’t quite work.

      Or something like that. 🙂

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