ESSENTIAL VEGGIES

So. Sometimes I take things a little bit literally. (Not as literally as Drax, but y’know. Sometimes I try.)

 

Well. Maybe the vikings.

Maybe just those vikings?

 

Whatever.

 

Anyway. The point is, sometimes I enjoy taking things SUPER LITERALLY because it makes things really funny.

Like this recipe that I found on the fridge at my parents’ house.

20141201_143851

 

38 Small cparrots (I know it means carrots. I’m choosing to read it as Parrots, because I want to. Also because having the first ingredient of a recipe called “ESSENTIAL VEGGIES” be *Parrots* is really fantastic to me.)

1/2 Apple

1/2 Celery

1/5 Lemon (know your fractions.)

Hint Lime (I’m choosing to believe that at this point, you’re not supposed to *add* lime, you’re supposed to seek out a lime for help. Perhaps it will have the wisdom to get you through your times of trial. Instead of “hint *of* lime” “hint *from* lime”. It’s more fun that way.)

3/4 Spinach.  (I’m taking this to mean 3/4 of a single spinach leaf, because I think that’s *hilarious*. And also quite probably how to turn soup into a potion?)

3 1/3 Parsley. (I don’t know how much “a” parsley is. I hope it’s not like a “rasher of bacon”. Because, rasher just means “serving”. So, every time you say someone say they ate 10 rashers of bacon, it means 10 servings, and that doesn’t really mean *anything* because who decided how much a single serving of bacon is. Because, it certainly wasn’t anyone who was counting calories, because rashers were around *waaaay* before calories were, so really a serving of bacon is just whatever the hell we feel like calling a serving of bacon, so a rasher could be *anything*. Way to be the most non-descriptive descriptor, Rasher. Way to go.)
hint Ginger (So, citrus and roots are going to help you out on this one, really. They’re going to be there for you when you need them. You’ve got all the advice you could ever possibly want. You get hints from lime *and* ginger. If that isn’t enough for you, maybe you’re not ready to take on the  ESSENTIAL VEGGIES just yet.)
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