Vocabulary!!!

Words of the week”

PITHANOLOGY

† pithanology, n.
[‘ Persuasive or seductive speech or argument; sophistry.’]

“Pithanology, which the apostle condemns, is a speech fitted of purpose, by the abuse of rhetoric,..to please and seduce.”

And this is one I’m particularly fond of myself:

ZINDABAD

zindabad, int. (and n.)
[‘ Used as an exclamation or shout of approbation or encouragement. Also as n.: an exclamation of this kind; a cheer.’]

“The collective blood pressure had skyrocketed. No Zindabads were heard.”

Style and Circumstances

I like to cut my hair. However, I started growing my hair out about a year ago, in an attempt to be able to pretend to look professional when required. Recently, due to unforseen circumstances and a distinctly unfortunate time crunch, I had to pretty much shave it all of.

Now, all I want to do is bleach the fuck out of it again. Because it’s short, and it wouldn’t take much time, and I like having bleached hair.

But…I probably ought not to do that, as I’m working towards a teaching certification, so I should probably be able to maintain some sort of so-called “respectable” appearance.

(Whatever that means. Seriously. What the hell does that *mean*?)

It means that I should probably wait until *after* I’ve landed a job to go blonde again.

pout.

(Additionally, my favored hair assistant is on the other side of the world. And training someone to bleach ones own head is really quite difficult. So. There is that as well…)

Le sigh.

Soon though.

Sooooon….

Thanks, T. Swift.

I have been listening to…a *lot* of Taylor Swift lately. I don’t know how it happened, but I have become an un-ironic total fan of Ms. Swift.

(That’s a lie. I know exactly how it happened. She’s *awesome*.)

Anyway. She’s got this music video out…

but for some reason, in the chorus when she sings “Got a long list of ex-lovers”, I just think she sounds…weirdly Irish?

So now I’m on the hunt for Irish popstars, and I’ve got …like. Three.

Good old Sinéad

Classic Cranberries

and…well. Yeah.

So please, friends, readers, interet at large, HLEP ME.

I just want some awesome Irish pop music. (Upon youtubing, I only find Eurovision, which, while delightful, is really not what I’m looking for.)

Differences and Juice

Alright. So. I’ve been a bit down lately, which is fine. But also, I need to remember that LIFE IS AMAZING. So. Today, I’m going to talk about juice.

“Yum! Juice! It’s so delightful and sweet and delicious! It’s made from this fruit that I love!”

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Screw the cap off, go to take swig only to be met with …an unexpected texture.
“What is that?”
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oooh yeah.

Apparently all juice in Cambodia is jelly juice.

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So why advertise for that? Isn’t it *obvious*?

Mmmmmm. Chunky Godness.. -_-

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Up Helly Aa

Yesterday was the last Tuesday of January, also known as Up Helly Aa.

The Scottish fire festival where the island of Shetland builds a Viking Longship, holds a giant party, has a fire parade and then torches the boat.

I WANT TO SEE THIS.

So, I’m giving myself two years. I didn’t make it this time around, but by February of 2017, I will have gone to Scotland to watch a bunch of beautiful, crazy people light a boat on fire.

This is a promise to myself, and to my Wonder Twin, who wants to come with me.

2017 or bust.

I promise. In front of the entire internet. (And we all know, nothing on the internet will ever *truly* dissappear.)

In honour of *not* being there, I made my own origami Viking longship

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and set if on fire.

It’ll be better in Scotland.

Wonderland

I went scuba diving today.

It was…nothing like my previous experiences, which were covered in wetsuits, and beset with the knowledge that if your mask came off, the biggest thing you had to deal with was the sheer shock of just how cold that water truly was.

Here the most important thing to remember was sunscreen.

It was so beautiful.

It wasn’t a terribly long dive, but…it was amazing. There was plankton everywhere, the whole thing looked like space.

The coral looked like a nebula being born in a cradle of space dust.

It was amazing.

A Brief Escape

I’m not doing the greatest job of keeping track of things right now. I’m doing a lot of smiling and nodding, and, it’s probably not the best for long-term, but for now it’s working out really well for me.

I’m not really sure where it is that we’re all going this weekend, I just now that it’s got a beach, and the ocean will be warm.

I’m still not over the novelty of the ocean when it’s warm. (I don’t know if I’ll ever be over how much I love it.)

For the first time since I got here, I have no schedule.

I don’t have to talk to anyone, I don’t have to be anywhere.

I can just go out, walk the beach, and breathe. I can put my headphones in, and play in the surf, and if I look like a fool to everyone who sees I don’t care.

I’ve gotten incredibly used to living on my own.

Navigating a community setting is proving to be far more difficult than I remember it being.

White sands are waiting.

Almost there…

Fogged Up Future

I have two weeks left here, trapped in this city, with my life coded out in coloured time-tables, handed out every other Sunday afternoon.

I can’t tell how much of it is that I’m not ready to be here, in this country, trying to make my life work, or if it’s just this schedule, these expectations, this program, that’s making me crazy.

The other day I mentioned that I hate kids. Someone said “you may have picked the wrong profession.” I said “yes.”

They say “Why did you come here?” and I say “I don’t remember”, because I’m not willing to say “I was running away.”, because I don’t want to talk about it. I know better than that. That’s not how to make good choices.

I say “I’m a terrible student.” and they ask “Why?” and I don’t want to talk about it. (Or maybe I don’t want to think about it. Maybe I don’t want to answer that question yet.)

I have two weeks. I have to scrape through two more weeks. Then I’m getting out of here.

I just don’t know where that means yet.

I can’t keep running away from things. I need to be moving *to* things.

So, all I have to do is figure out how to get through this fortnight, and then also how I’m going to be *improving my life* after that.

Easy enough, eh?

>.<

VOCABULARY!!!

Words of the Week!

PERIAPT

periapt, n.
[‘ Something worn as a charm against illness, misfortune, etc.; an amulet.’]

“The white gold is not simply some arcane talisman or periapt.”

AESTIVE

aestive, adj.
[‘ Of or belonging to summer; hot, burning.’]

“Dappled leafy sunlight and a blackbird’s song coming in through the far window for assurance that everything aestive was going on outside.”

*Definitions and sentences from Oxford English Dictionary.

Someday…

Someday, maybe I’ll actually go to school for something I want to do?

I think that’s a lie.

Someday, maybe I’ll just accept the fact that I hate school.

I’m so frustrated, because everything about this system is fucking *terrible*, but…school is one of the fastest ways to get to where I want to be.

(Maybe that’s why I’m so bad at school. I don’t actually want to be there.)

I just want to be where the school is.

I want to be learning the things that the school teaches.

But…every time I have been really, truly miserable in my life; like, a very seriously *unhealthy* kind of unhappy, it’s always school.

Why do people talk about University, like “Oh, it’s the time of your life!”?

It’s not. It’s panic attacks, and anxiety and no sleep and can’t eat, and how can you possibly make everyone happy, and how long will it take to pay it all back, how can you even afford to be there. Sitting in classes where if you listen right, you won’t need a book, because the lesson is “tell them what they should have read”, but it’s the only way to afford the class anyway, because one book is rent for a month.

But it sits there, this fucking gatekeeper. If you can’t do this, you’re not good enough for what waits on the other side. That job you wanted, that place you’ve always wanted to live? It’s all on the other side.

If you can’t afford it, maybe you can’t afford the life you want anyway. If you don’t have fortitude to get through it, what makes you think you can get through life on the other side?

Why is the system built to defeat so many people? (If you can even get into the system.)

I’m not useless, I’m not stupid, I have skills, I’ve done really cool things.

I have no paperwork to back it up. I have nothing to *show* for it.

I think that maybe I’m still just afraid. I grew up in a university town. The question asked wasn’t “what are you doing after school?” it was “Which university are you going to?”. No other options were presented.

There *are* other options.

I can *make* other options.

Except for fear. Saying “can you? really? Do you think that will work?”

But…if I can’t make it work some other way… what’s left?

The way I’ve been told to do it doesn’t work for me. If I can’t build another way…

I guess I’ll just have to keep trying new things.

Until something works, until something *clicks*.

Or maybe it won’t.

And I’ll figure out just what I’m willing to settle for.

Or maybe I’ll just keep walking. There’s always something else over the next hill.