I recently was talking about communicating when dealing with depression.
I did a kind of mucky job with it. I think I sort of got the feelings across, but I don’t know how clear it was. (Not that such things can’t always do with more refining.)
Then I realized…it’s like lighting the beacons in Return of the King.
Depression is like Denathor, trying to stop anything from happening; set on wasting away, alone and stoic, because anything else takes too much energy.
Then Pippen is you, trying to find ways around the command to be silent until you break.
The thing is…even after the beacons are lit – even after you picked up the phone, the person picks up…there’s still the tension.
Because you’re also Aragorn. All you can do is report that the beacons are lit. Gondor calls for aid.
Then you still have to wait and see if the King of Rohan is willing or able to help.
I really like this though, because now I have something that I can tell myself, when I’m not doing well. It’s not “needing people”, or “asking for help”.
It’s “Lighting the Beacons”.
Because, fuck it. You always have to try.