I Am a Terrible Student

I may have mentioned before, but it’s sort of been an abstract for the past several years of my life.

Which was awesome.

It’s no longer an abstract, and I’m being reminded every day, for about ten hours stretches that I am a terrible student.

There are a lot of reasons for this. One of them is definitely the extent to which I do not believe in absolutes. I lose faith in a teacher the instant they tell me “It *could* be that, but it’s not.*

Like. Fuck you. Why not? If it *could* be, then it’s not an incorrect fucking answer.

Don’t tell me that “THIS IS THE TRUTH”, because that’s fucking bullshit. It’s the truth as we understand it currently, and that shit can fucking change.

It doesn’t help that it’s also the kind of class where thinking seems to be discouraged. The people who have shown the most personality are being told they’re wrong so consistantly, they’re starting to give up. This is a class where the answers the teachers want is simply parroting of the EXACT THING that they said.

No deviation allowed.

Part of this issue is also that one of the earliest memories I have is actually just straight up being told that I don’t think like other people. Every time I approach an task in class, it is always tempered with the knowledge that I don’t think like other people.

I think I was in first grade the first time somebody told me I was a “lateral thinker”. Whatever the hell *that* means.

This has made me really good at finding out what it is that the teacher wants to hear, because I already know that it’s not whatever I’m thinking. Because I don’t think like other people.

So I’m sitting silently in class, because anything I say is going to be wrong, and writing down everything that goes on the board, because that’s what I’ll be writing on the test and I’m just watching people fail, and watching them lose any hope of being successful in the course.


“Because education is the key to success, blah blah blah blah!”

Why is this how we fucking *teach*? Why do we care so much about stupid fucking pieces of paper that we do this shit, over and over and over again.



2 thoughts on “I Am a Terrible Student

    • I don’t know if I could handle being a part of the system. I think I’m too bitter for it.

      I could be a tutor. I really like the idea of running an after-school program or something, to be able to give support *outside* of the school.

      It’s just really important to me to give support that doesn’t somehow connect with academics.

      To quote Amanda Palmer “Even though your grades are bad it doesn’t mean your failing.”


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