I…may have totally freaked out this afternoon upon finally managing to get my hands on my beautiful, fantastic, perfect-in-every-way (because it turns on, because hey! I’ve got *low standards*!) computer.
It might have looked something like this:
Oh, sweet computer, come here and let me type sweet nothings onto your beautiful, working keyboard. Never again, my dear, never again shall I be parted from your sweet QWERTY patterns for such a bitter, soulless amount of time.
Sweet, sweet computer, take me to the land of the internet, where me may be free to glory in cats and vines and poorly-researched click-bait articles. Where we can delight in updates, and photos, and the beautiful, bizarre creation that happens in the lands of ones and zeroes.
Dear computer. I do not exaggerate when I say that I need you, for without you…all these things are lost to me.
So, thusly I swear: Never again, computer. Never again shall we be parted in such an abrupt and heinous manner. I will care for you as no other, and in turn you will be my faithful steed upon the oceans of connectivity.