I wasn’t really intending to start this post in this way, but I logged in (after being gone from this blog for a very long time) and I realized…
The last fucking thing that I posted was George Micheal.
I guess that it’s just that things change? – or maybe. It’s not so much that *things* change as that the perspective with which we view things changes.
Or I’m just being incredibly soppy and cliched at the moment. (But with a title like ‘Reflections and Nostalgia, I feel like everyone knows what they’re getting into, at the very least.)
This year has been… Well. Certainly not always the most enjoyable, but I think, also, a very necessary step for me to move forward with my life.
This time last year, I was in New Zealand. I was working at Steampunk Art Gallery, and I was doing every single thing I’ve ever wanted to do in my life, and I don’t know if I have ever been so desperately unhappy.
And this year… The holidays have come, (and I will forever and always HATE every single ANYTHING that has even the SLIGHTEST BIT OF A HINT of being about Christmas*) but… it feels like victory.
The people I have in my life now aren’t asking for things I can’t give.
I am doing better at not asking for more than people can give.
Part of being in a support network – I always imagine it as a spiderweb. It’s strongest when woven together, but every strand of it still has to be able to support itself.
I think…that’s where I’m at right now.
Balance has never particularly been a strength of mine, but I also don’t really think it was a *goal* of mine, either.
I think that it is now, and I think that – as with many things, “balance” is a nebulous, ever-changing goal. People aren’t static, what we want, who we are – it all changes, and so “balance” will change with that.
I think maybe that’s kind of beautiful.
I think that maybe I like the kinds of things – maybe “goals” is the wrong word.
Perhaps it would qualify more aptly under the heading of ‘More Guidelines Than Actual Rules’.
Which is good, because I have significant issues with authority and have never really been particularly good at following rules anyway.
All this is really to say:
Hi! I know it’s been a while, but I’m back, and I am so fucking happy to be here.
Happy fucking new year.